Dirty Little Secret

I was going to direct this to only men but there is truly no sense since both men and women have done this and it needs to stop.

I don't go onto my Ok Cupid profile very often. I just find online dating hard and disappointing. I also get creeped out by people fairly easy.

However I do get lonely and feel the need to check in just to see if maybe one day there is a chance my dream romance will come about. I need to stop expecting that because I always am let down.

Today (tonight rather) I checked in and despite the fact that I had changed my profile to woman seeking woman, (I'm bisexual and became wary of searching for men on that site) I still had some messages from men. The normal "hey babe wanna meet?" and "hi wut up ma?" and then one that I have had before in one, way, shape, or form that set me off.

"Hey there, you would be an awesome dirty little secret".


So I have a message to anyone who thinks that's ok: It's NOT!

I am so tired of people pretending that they are NOT attracted to plus sized women. You are full of shit.  If you are willing to fuck us and enjoy yourself and get your pleasure from riding us then you are attracted to us. If you are attracted to us, if you get a rise or turned on by us, if we are capable of making you and/or any portion of your body "Happy" then we are worthy of being on your arm. We are worthy of being treated with respect and like a human being. You should be proud to have me because I am worthy and I am fabulous and you want me.

I am not a secret. I am NOT a fetish. I am NOT something you need to hide from anyone. I am tired of being made to feel like I shouldn't be loved or treated with respect.

It's time people acknowledge how they feel and not be ashamed of who they are attracted to. To deem me "Dirty Little Secret" is the biggest insult to hurl at me or anyone else who you feel is deserving of that title.

Dirty means unclean. Therefore you see me as something that you have decided is vile yet you want to have.

Little means small. You feel that to treat me as something you need to hide is dismissive and not a big deal. You think my feelings are not worthy of worrying about and I am not important enough to take into consideration. I am just a thing.

Secret means no one will know. I must be hidden and therefore no one can know about me.

None of that is positive and good. None of that is something anyone should want to be.

Society has brainwashed you all to think that its not ok to find plus sized women attractive. That something is wrong with you. You have the right to be happy and if you find someone like me attractive then guess what? You should be proud of that and be proud to be with me. If not, you don't deserve me.

Men have told me countless times that they find me attractive but didn't want to be seen with me. I found out after graduating high school a few guys who I had actually admitted my affections to told me that they were attracted to me but didn't want to say anything because they didn't want to be humiliated in school. I know some people now who I think would totally get with me but won't because they are too scared to deal with what society would say. It's affected the way I think as well. There are men out there who I find insanely attractive yet I don't even bother approaching because I see them and I see me and while I know Im fabulous I know people would look at us and be like "wha? no thats not right". That evil thought of "why would he (or she) be with me when they could be with someone who is hotter and thinner?"

"CUZ IM FABULOUS THATS WHY!!!"

I have taught myself to stop thinking that way so should you!

Women do this too except they tend to string it along more and lie. I will talk to someone and feel a connection and then be told they feel it too and the moment it becomes real, meaning, the moment I actually want to set up a meet up I get a huge song and dance as to why they cant and then never hear from them again.

Just stop and be bold! If you truly have a problem being seen with someone like me guess what? Its YOUR problem that YOU need to get sorted out. Its YOUR self esteem that needs to be fixed. Sound odd? I'll explain...

If you are worried about being ridiculed and can't be proud of being involved with someone YOU like because you feel you will be judged, your concern is how YOU will handle it. I know what I look like and while I do want to lose weight for health reasons, I still think I'm hot and worthy. My self esteem may get knocked around sometimes but I know I am still worthy of love and respect.

Yes, society will mock you. Why? Because most of society believes its wrong but its not. Change that. Just be honest with your feelings and be proud of who you are with. They deserve to be on your arm in public and introduced as the person you are happy to be with. If they don't like it guess what? Its not THEIR problem because its who makes YOU happy not them. Its none of their business.

Everyone has self esteem that they want to protect. However that doesn't mean that someone else has to suffer the insult of being hidden and your "Dirty Little Secret" because YOU'RE scared of what other people will think.

And to the women (and men) out there who allow themselves to be the "Dirty Little Secret". You are worth so much more than that and if you think its ok what you are basically telling the person who has given you that title is that you are not worth the respect and love you want.

This is me, being fabulous. Thanks to Stephanie Sacchi of Just Dreadful Photography for the pic.